You Know You're A Horse Person When ...
This file is collected by Tara Scholtz from postings to rec.equestrian & Equine-L. Please
attribute the appropriate person if quoting from this document.
This was last updated on December 18, 1995.
You look at all the piles of laundry sitting
next to your Washing machine and most of them are breeches, horse
blankets, saddle pads, etc... plus you don't even care about the horsey
hair residue that will be left in the washer/dryer.
From: Renee Castleberry
*Your husband brings the new saddle to bed so he can work on it while
*You trade your yuppie mobile for a truck, so you can better accommodate
*You see the vet more than you see your child's pediatrician.
*The floor plan of the house you're building accommodates a horse lifestyle.
*You clean a horse's sheath and don't hurl.
*You groom your horse and you haven't been to a beautician in ?
*Your horse gets new shoes more often than you.
*Your secretary does a "hay check" on your suit each morning and your first
stop in the office is the ladies room to remove the shavings from your
From: Lisa C Krakowka
*You patch your mud boots with duct tape and slog through knee deep mud to
get hay to your horse, who has commandeered the ONLY dry spot for
*You get up at 5am every morning while your in college, drive 10 miles to
the barn, feed, muck stalls, ride, and rush back to your 10am class
smelling like a barn without complaining.
*You are totally grossed out by human hair in the sink or tub, but don't
mind horse hair in your washer, on your clothes, in your food
know you are a horse AND a dog person when you don't mind throwing
the frozen manure balls for the barn's goldie to fetch!
From: "Osborne E.M."
*You buy about 15 lbs. of carrots a week, but wouldn't eat a carrot if
somebody paid you.
*Your non-horsy friend gives you a funny look after glancing into the back
seat of your car, and you realize he's noticed your whips and spurs.
*You say "whoa" to the dog.
*You pass up attractive social invitations because they'd conflict with
your lesson schedule.
*The back of your station wagon is an auxiliary tack box.
*You choose your SO partly on the basis of his attachment to your horses.
*Your mother, who has no grandchildren, gets cards addressed to Grandma,
signed by the horses and the dog.
*You don't even want to think about how your car would be paid for, your
mortgage would be much smaller, and you might have some savings if
you didn't have horses.
From: Wendy Milner
*You know you're a horse person when you buy land and decide to build the
barn before the house so your horses have a place to stay. Then you
move into the barn yourself and forget about the house.
*You know you're a horse person when you talk about having a baby and
people give you a really strange look and say, I didn't know you were
pregnant. Oops, it's the four legged kind.
From: Peter Neilson
*You give directions to your house and say, "It has lots of horse trailers
in the front yard."
*You pull change from your pocket at work, and hay falls all over.
*Someone says, "Does anyone have a screwdriver?" and you hand them a
*The doctor says the bump on your finger is an inflamed tendon sheath, and
you tell him, "Oh, you mean a windpuff."
*You cannot imagine why anyone would think it kinky to own whips.
*The real estate agent asks what kind of house you are looking for, and you
say, "More than six acres."
From: "Jennifer R. Berry"
*For once you have extra money to buy
yourself something, and you get the check out counter and decide that
you don't really need that shirt anyway. That $25 could be an entry
From: Adrienne Regard
*I was gonna say "the horses get fed first." but around my house it's "the
horses are the only ones that get fed by me. Kids fend for
*you save the hoof shavings for the dog.
*you poke your honey in the ribs, saying, "over", in the kitchen.
*you clean your tack after *every* ride but never ever wash the car.
*you have the worming, lesson and farrier schedules in your head, but
frequently miss the kid's piano lessons, girl scouts, or changing the oil
in the car.
*you yell at the kids, and the horse's name pops out.
*on rainy days, you organize the tack room, not the house.
*your tax refund is targeted to a new saddle, not the family vacation.
*you are unreasonably pleased to get a horse item, ANY horse item, as a
gift. "They really cared!!!"
*you actually like all horse items, any horse items, regardless of
*you stop channel surfing at Budweiser Clydesdale commercials.
*books and movies are ruined for you if horsemanship references are
*you actually get to a point where flies don't bother you so much.
From: Debbie Levine
*you use the house-hunting trip your new employer provides to figure out
where you will board your horse.
*you often sneak furtively into Laundromats and pretend that you really
didn't just put that stinky, filthy horse blanket into the comforter-sized
*you run your tongue over your back molars and idly wonder if they need to
*you go to the museum with a non-horsey friend and, whilst wandering
through the ancient bronzes, suddenly realize he is asking
exasperatedly, 'Well? What about the conformation on this one?"
From: Ann Stjern
*ALL of your pockets have hay in them.
*You have a small knife on your key chain (and you're a
*You buy more carrots & apples than you can possibly eat.
*You plan corn on the cob for dinner just so you can feed the cobs to
your horses for a treat
*The highlight of your day is working with your horses and your SO
works by your side cuz its the highlight of his day too
*You have more pictures of your horses in your office than you have of
From: Martha Cather
*You build a garage that you're going to live in while you build
the house, build a barn instead, and still live in a 1 room house after 11
years of marriage and (somewhat) gainful employment. Just wish my
barn was something to brag about (-:
From: "Nancy J. McLaughlin"
*You leave work feeling stiff, tense, with a stomach- or headache, and
all those feelings disappear the minute you go through the first gate to
From: Meredith Hansen
*You open the door to the closet where
you keep your boots and the aroma of manure wafts out.
*You can find your boots in the dark by the aroma.
*You drive up in the yard, get out of the car and inhale the perfume of the
*You talk to the horses like they were kids.
*All your stock has 4 legs.
From: John D'Addamio
*The only picture of you that your wife (husband, SO, whatever) has of you
shows you on your horse.
*You hate posing for pictures unless you're on your horse.
*You spend a lot of $ on a trip to Europe and end up spending most of your
time watching horses.
*You chirp to, cluck to or spur your truck/car.
*You say whoa to your truck/car.
*You don't notice the barn smells on your clothes/shoes and wonder why
"regular" folks are sniffing the air
*Most of your social life is with other horse folk.
*Cooky McClung's stories in The Chronicle of the Horse, however humorously
told they might be, sound like a "normal" life.
*You get so mad that you can't get cable TV out at your farm that you put
in a satellite dish just so you can get more horse sports coverage
*you have a _terrible_ fall off your horse, and your only concern is if the
horse is okay. (And when you get dragged into the hospital, you have
a hairline fracture in your leg. Trust me, I know!)
*all of your favorite stories involve all your falls off horses, and other
near death experiences and you actually LAUGH about the time you
got dragged around the field by a spooked horse!
From: Truman Prevatt
*You buy more carrots in five pound bags and lament because they
don't come in 10 pound bags.
*You buy watermelon when you don't even like watermelon so that you
can give it to your horses.
*You spend more time ridding in your truck going to horse events than
you spend at home.
*The only pictures in your office have are of your horses.
*The concept of sleeping in on the weekends has long since faded from your
*You known more about equine nutrition than human nutrition and it
From: Sue Littlefield
*You get to the checkouts at the grocery and the only things you're buying
are 5 gallons of corn oil and 10 pounds of carrots. Oh and maybe a
frozen burrito if you have enough money left
From: Marsha Jo Hannah
*All of your clothes have horsehair on them, even if they've never been
worn to the barn.
*You keep a horse Grooma by the front door, to get the horsehair off of
your Levis after riding bareback.
*You're buying clothes, and you choose them on the basis of whether you can
wash horse slobber/manure out of them.
*You grump at your husband for eating so much of the apple crop, for fear
there won't be enough left to last the horses until next year.
*You live with electric fencing tape around the lawn, so the horses can mow
it for you.
*You've got a perpetually skinned place on your knuckles or the heel of
your hand, from when the hoof rasp/pick slips.
*Folks ask incredulously how many horses you have, because your bulletin
board at work is covered with 10 pictures of each horse and only a
couple of your spouse or your kids (human, canine, or feline).
*You've forgotten what a vacation is, because you spend all your paid time
off (re)building fence, meeting the vet, going to shows, etc.
From: Jon Barber
*You're about to petition the Town Board and the County Commissioners to
grant you a variance to build a larger building than the zoning laws
allow. Where else is one s'posed to ride in bad weather?
( ) $20,000 just to have a place to ride????)
*You don't try to figure out your to-date-expenses for the critters, cuz
you don't want to know, and it doesn't matter. (It's the same with flying)
*You get out of your warm bed at 3:00 AM, and go outside to let the horses
in cuz it's snowing (that wet, heavy stuff). If that's not enough, you
scrape off the snow, and even dry them off a little, before going back to
bed. (Only to leave for work at 6, and see them back outside, with 2
inches of snow piled on their backs. No, *that* won't happen again.)
*Your breezeway/mud room has hay & crud all over the floor, a saddle on a
rack along the wall, misc. tack hanging from the chairs, muddy boots &
gloves, etc. lying about. Someone's coming to visit. You don't care.
*After it snows, the pathway to the manure pile is the first thing that
gets cleared, then the front porch and sidewalk.
*You aren't interested in watching the news, but have to, in order to catch
the weather, so you know if the barn needs to be left open for the
*Supper time is generally at 8PM, and everyone has been home since before
*You RUSH to the front window to watch the horses run & buck in the
pasture, even if you're in the middle of a meal. Good, clean fun!
*You trade your nice, nearly-new Suburban for a 1-ton 4x4 pickup, so you
can haul hay & straw for the critters. (And have that 454 engine for
pulling the trailer up those looooong hills.)
From: Alexis Haines
Not sure I should be admitting to this:
You find hay in your bed too :*)
From: Sallijan Snyder
*you launder your stable clothes before your work clothes (tho' sometimes
the categories overlap).
*you'd rather stay up with a friend's sick horse than baby-sit her kids.
*you will baby-sit a friend's kids while she stays up with a sick
horse, even though you HATE babysitting.
*you go on a diet for your horse's sake, but not your SO's.
*you giggle when the horse you're driving farts in your face.
From: "Nancy J. McLaughlin"
*The only thing your friends, colleagues, passing acquaintances can
think of when they see you is "How are the horses?" or "How many
horses do you have now?" or "Are you still riding?"
From: "James A. McCameron"
*you get knocked down and split you lip wide open on the horses halter
because you were doing something you KNOW you shouldn't have
been doing, and with blood running down your face your first concern
is making sure the horse is alright, calmed down, and put in his stall.
Then you go to the hospital for stitches.
From: ROSEMARIE ARBUR
*You take your notes to the barn and study for midterms while brushing your
horse and you know you're a HORSE PERSON WHEN You see
Tracey brushing her horse and studying for midterms, and you just nod
to yourself: "of course."
From: Tami Kramer
*You spend more on that 6 year old jumper than you've EVER spent on a car!
*You get your income tax refund and the first thing you do is head for the
*You go on a diet, not to be more attractive, but to be a better rider.
*Co-workers start pointing out green slobber or straw on your clothes. You
solution is to start wearing exclusively "hunter green".
*Every time you go to the stable, it takes 3 hours and you can't imagine
where the time went.
From: Joe Kriz
Your first sign of spring isn't see a robin, but seeing a fly.
From: kakriege [Karen]
no, flies mean that warm weather is here to stay. the first sign of
spring is horses shedding (make sure you stay upwind when brushing-got
covered the other day)
From: Warner Granade
*You get a little whiff of manure smell
and breathe deeper to get the full impact. That goes double for the smell
From: Bill Chamberlain
*when your horse has its mane pulled more often than you get a hair cut.
*When you buy lime and grass seed instead of the clothes you need for other
From: kakriege [Karen]
*one of your favorite smells in the world is horse sweat on leather
*you are riding a bike and tell it "whoa" when you stop
*after you just got stepped on, and a non-horse person asks you if you are
alright, and you say "what"? not realizing what they are talking about.
*you tell a friend that you have to get home to feed your horse, which
you do. this done while your own stomach growls, because you
haven't eaten all day. you than decide it won't take that much longer to
clean a few stalls.
remember the word "heel" but instead refer to it as your "hock" (this is
also done with other "parts" of the body, etc)
*you are one of the few people around that can fix "things" being used to
repairing fences, etc that you horses have taken down.
From: Lynn Jolicoeur
*When you find shavings and hay in your pants
*When you use horse products for yourself (shampoo) because you can only
afford one or the other and you know shampoo for humans is not
recommend for horses.
*When you are down and depressed and you go and talk to your best friend
YOUR HORSE .
From: Nancy van Zwol
*You go to the gas station and ask the attendant to check the air in the
"off hind" (and you know you're in Portola Valley when the young man
immediately walks to the right rear tire!)
From: Jody Gregersen
*You live hand to mouth and somehow come up with the $800 for emergency
*a non-horsey co-worker asks how your horse is and you think: "she's not
doing very well since you just changed to a milder bit but you want to
give her a chance to get used to it.", and you say "Fine." Because you
know if you say what you are REALLY thinking, by the time you're
done, your co-worker will be sitting there with a blank look on her face.
*You don't think that weather is just casual conversation. It is very
important so that you can figure out your horse's wardrobe for the
*your house is "decorated" with bits, saddles, bridles, halters, blanket
racks, trunks, trophies and ribbons.
*there are bits soaking in your bathroom sink.
*you save every horse magazine you have ever bought.
*you show up at work with bran mash (unbeknownst to you) all over the back
of your coat.
*your car is the only one in the company parking lot with mud splashes on
*your car is the only one in the company parking lot that has an inch of
dust INSIDE and when you open the door, a swarm of flies emerge.
*you drive by ANY field ANYWHERE and look very hard for horses. This
includes trips to foreign countries.
*your horse gets vitamins and supplements everyday and you can't remember
to take vitamins yourself.
*you can't make it to work because of bad weather, but somehow still make
it to the barn.
*you feel tired all day at work and then go to the barn and ride 3 horses.
*you can pinpoint anything you might need in 2 seconds in your tack trunk
but seem to have misplaced this month's electric bill.
*the first bills you pay each month are all horse related. You don't
really *need* a phone anyway (unless you have to call the vet -- oops,
better pay that one).
You know you're a hunter/jumper/ct person when:
you count how many steps (strides) you take in between the cracks in the
sidewalk, the shadows of trees, etc. You also know you're a h/j/ct person
if you count strides to the beat of the music in your car and pretend that
the telephone poles are the jumps (OK, now I'm showing my compulsive
From: KRISS POTTER
You kick the car floor to make it go.
Your mother has a run in the bottom of her hose and you tell her she has a
split hoof. (My husband did this, not me.)
From: Mary Healey
You teach your little brother to skip by getting him to "canter", then
"switch leads" until he's doing one-tempi flying changes (skipping!).
From: Jeannie Whited
your car skids on the ice, you try to leg yield it away from the ditch and
onto the road. And it works.
You know you ride sidesaddle when:
it's easier to drive stick, because you get to use your LEFT leg, too. And
your right hand moves the "cane" (gear shift). it's easier to sit on the
sofa's arm than the cushions. you walk into an antique store, see a fake
hair bun, and think how useful that would be if you ever got your hair
From: Lisa C Krakowka
*you teach your sisters how to post on the arm of the couch before their
first riding lesson.
*You longe your dog and she listens to you.
From: BURCAR [Cheryl]
*Your baby shower gifts include a fleece seat saver.
*You do stalls the morning before your labor is to be induced.
*When the doctor tells you that they have to do a c-section your first
question (much to your spouses horror) is how long will it be until I can
ride? (and you are devastated when he says 6 weeks)
From: Donna Tully
*Yer boss says "Gooood God! Are horses *all* you ever think about?! I mean
yaour whole life is surrounded by that dang horse. All your money,
time, vacation, friends, lunch breaks (trips to the tack store;*)), even
the vehicle that you drive. Man, its worse than being married!) And I
just sit back and smile and say, "Yep, now if I could only find a man
who was as fanatical about them as me!"
*And when ya don't have to be asked by your non-horsey family what you
want for Christmas anymore, cuz they now get their own Horse
*and when your neighbors who have horses as pasture ornaments think your
nuts to ride after work in the winter when its 25 degrees out, in the
dark, and come spring, there full of envy cuz your horse is in shape on
those sunny weekend days and you can ride for hours, and they can't
cuz there critters are balls of fat and fur!
From: Veronique Gillard
*You learn you will go on a trip driving from Mass. to New Hampshire and
the first thing that pops to your mind is: "Yes, I will finally be able to
visit State Line Tack"
*and you know your spouse has accepted you as a horse person when he
who can't stand more than one hour at the mall tells you that there
should be a two hours time limit to your visiting State Line Tack.
From: Laurie Beckstead
*Your "weekend away" with your SO is a trip to the trainer's farm for a
lesson (just a quick note...Monte's passed his 30 day assessment and
"I" start riding this weekend :*) )
*Your truck looks like a bomb exploded in a tack shop
*When your "on the road again" and you leave a trail of shavings (out of
your shoes) across the expensive plush carpet in the hotel room and
don't feel guilty about it anymore (I did in the beginning, now I just
don't care cause I'm too tired most of the time)
*Your 4-yr old son "honks" the horn on the western saddle and you spend
five minutes trying to explain the purpose of the horn
*Your laundry consists of horse blankets, saddle pads, bandages, breeches,
and lots and lots of dirty socks and everyone else in the house votes to
appoint you with a "laundry day" after which you've got to clean out the
machines 'cause no one else can stand the hair
*You start a home-based business in order that you can quit your job and
devote more time to showing and the horses (yes I actually did this)
*You fastidiously groom and bathe your horses, but your truck looks like it
was at the 4x4 mudruns
*Your most prized possession is your saddles (next to the horses of course)
*You spend your summer weekends travelling all over the country "on the
campaign trail" and insist that the kids come with you even though they
want to go to Marineland and you keep promising "after Regionals" but
then your to dang tired to go to the effort of planning the trip to
Marineland (I'm now planning a May/June trip to Marineland probably
May, after the Spring Show and before Buckeye)
*Your grocery list includes a 2 lb bag of carrots for the house and a 10 lb
bag of carrots for the barn
From: Don Zefting
Well, today I was held prisoner for about 20 minutes by my new boots.
Oh, I guess you know you're a horse person when you're husband walks into
the bedroom and sees you wearing your underwear and tall black boots and
his only comment is "Oh, did the new boots finally arrive?"
From: Kathleen Hunt
*you pass a Marlboro billboard and immediately notice the horse's color,
conformation, possible breed, gait, tack, bit, expression, and whether
or not his mouth is being yanked on; but all you notice about the
cowboy was that it was some guy in a rain slicker.
*you boyfriend gets worried when he overhears you talking to a friend:
"And he had the cutest butt! I happened to be behind him for a while,
and practically couldn't take my eyes off his butt. And he had really
nice legs, and a real strong back, and nice shoulders, and *such* a
pretty face! He came over to say hello once. What a handsome guy!"
When you tell him that you were talking about a horse, he's not sure
whether to be reassured or get even more worried. :-)
*you watch "Brisco County Jr." just because of the horse, Comet.
From: Peter Neilson
My wife adds these -
*you stay up until two in the morning walking a colicky horse whose name
you don't know and whose owner you've never met.
*you are in a meeting, and you say something in Command Voice, and
someone asks you, "Do you train dogs, or something?"
From: ROSEMARIE ARBUR
when you start using baling twine to repair non-horse-related things
*Your horse costs more than your truck or (if you're really committed) your
*When you'll spend money on new horse blankets before you get yourself a
new winter coat.
*You get all starry eyed over the new Millers catalogue instead of
*When your horse eats before your husband!!
*When you call cramps a little colic.
*When your horses, dogs, kids and husband all come to the same whistle!!
Your graphic designer asks you:
'What do you know about Acrobat?'
and you answer 'The stallion?'
and they reply:
'No the program that helps you to check PageMaker by E-mail on a Mac!'
You know you're a horse person when you go hiking or walking in the woods
and you wonder why you're not riding. And you used to like hiking!
Denise R Kim-Kusner
When you not only have a writer's callus, but thumb and finger calluses
from pulling your horse's mane!(not to mention calluses on your palms
where the reins rest!
when you reach into your pocket for your keys, and pull out a handful
of hay, oats, and my favorite, rubber braiding bands !!
when the steering on your car starts to go out and all you can
think about is how "stiff" the car is on one side...
Allison Longaker Bryant
When your ideal birthday weekend extravaganza consists of going to two
days worth of horse shows.
The bus driver misses your stop and you
cry out WHOA.
Or-after hugging your husband he says "is that a carrot in your pocket or
are you happy to see me!"
Terri Gergely wrote:
)....when you reach into your pocket for your keys, and pull out a handful
)of hay, oats, and my favorite, rubber braiding bands !!
even more so when you are at a business meeting and fish out of the pocket
of your suit: braiding bands, bits of shavings, an old horse cookie and
your competitor number, while looking for a pen.
You try to sneak everything back in quietly while you remember that you
used the jacket of this suit at your last show because your real show
jacket was at the cleaner.
Well, you know when you're a horse person when the highlight of your
workday is looking out the window at the mounted police walking through
the park & remarking to a co-worker Wow! Look at that bay with AWESOME
bushy tail with a blunt cut!
You know you're a horseperson when you drive 14 miles out and back in the
rain in the morning to blanket your horse and then forget to take an
umbrella to work.
You know you're a horse person (finally!) when you're at work and you say
the dr. hasn't called me back yet, and your co-worker says, "You or the
......your fellow office workers (all males) ask you to swap over the
empty Aqua Vital mineral water bottle for a full one. They know darn well
that you are only one who can lift a heavy 19 liter bottle (weighing in at
a good 15 kgs or so) over your head AND aim it properly at the dispenser
without spilling a drop!
And you thought lugging those sacks of horse feed and emptying them into
44 gallon feed drums didn't have any side benefits???? Ptooey....
*Your S.O. gives you a new pitch fork and a shovel for Christmas and you're
thrilled and all your friend (except on E-L) think you're wacky.
*Your truck dies in the coldest part of the winter and you pick up hay in
your Hyundai (pony of course)...six bales inside...four on the roof!
"Jeannine Towler (JJ)"
*Tara Scholtz baits you with the news that the November issue of
HORSE AND RIDER has an article on Khemosabi (Guenevere's
grandaddy) and you spend every free moment calling tack shops and
bookstores, some long-distance, to find someone who sells that
You *really* know you are a horse person when 10 messages on your mail
download have the subject line "To Bang or Not to Bang", and you *know*
that it is horse's tails under discussion....
My technical manager was aghast ... (he happened to be standing behind me
when I did a mail download) ... I think his mind is in the gutter....
I had to open one message to show him how perfectly innocent I am :-)
You know you're a horse person when you post a subject of "To bang or not
to bang" and never even think of any other meanings that those words could
*You try to book a seat at the Spanish Riding School BEFORE
you buy your airline tickets - because you'd rather change all your other
plans before missing that show!
geoff & ana
*You tell the kids to "walk-on" when crossing the road and tell them to go
and "muck out" their bedrooms.
*You click your tongue and shout "come on" when overtaking in the car.
*you pull change out of your pocket together with a mixture of hay,
pony nuts and shavings.
*Your car boot (trunk) and seats are permanently covered in hay and feed.
*You insist the wife washes the numnah's and rugs first not your own clothes.
you vault walls as if you were mounting bareback IN YOUR WEDDING
GOWN :-) :-) [Kris, I beat you to it publically] Paula, it was just sooo
You know you're a horseperson when your horse thinks she's a dog, your dog
thinks she's a cat, your cats think they are people, and you KNOW you were
a horse in a former life.
..you are shopping and place the big package between your knees to hold it
so you can read the magazine with both hands. (and you know no one will
think this is odd because your in a tack store)
Yon Mild Rider
You can clean your geldings sheath and not gross-out
You slice a divot out of your own hand cutting grass for the horses with
a hand sickle.
7 stitches. No, I couldn't just let them graze instead....
YKYAHPW your first major accident happens because of a horse.
I got 8 stitches because my horse threw his head up and ran my teeth
through my bottom lip.
*You have *animated* discussions with your pals about how to
remove ticks from private parts...
*You are eating lunch out and can continue to eat, not missing a
mouthful, and discuss the surgery on a horses leg and all the awful
*When you see any large vacant building, like a old walmart or kmart
and think what a wonderful indoors arena it would make.
Paul J. Mulqueen
*When you find dressage more interesting than show jumping.
*When you wonder why people look at you funny when you tell them horse
manure doesn't smell.
*When the most sincere hugs you give are to your horse.
Hey- You know you're a horse person when someone sends you 400lbs of
feed to sample!
*you no longer believe bicycles belong on woody trails
*you count strides to the crack in the sidewalk, and then step over it
*the pockets of all your jackets are filled with used cigarette butts
(I never drop them on the ground)
*your friends and relatives stop asking when you're going to get
married, and always ask how the horse is instead
*you pay the board bill before your mortgage
*you pay the farrier before the phone bill
*you spend more time brushing your horse's mane and tail than you'd
ever spend on your own hair
*you horse has more kinds of shampoo and conditioner than you have
*you never go away on vacation because you vacation 4x a week when you
ride your horse.
*you'll let your trainer yell at you, but will cut off your boss' head
if he looks at you funny
*you think they should outlaw air brakes on trucks
*you're mad at the world, have a superior ride on your horse, then go
home thinking the world is really a pretty great place.
*You have more pictures of your horses in your office than your family
members (and dogs, too!).
*Your friends have to move your saddle or horse blanket out of the seat
every time they get in your car.
*Your employer understands and allows you to leave early because you have
to meet the vet or the farrier.
*When people ask you for your phone number, you start the list of numbers
with your stables, then your car phone (for while you are in transit to
the barn) and then your home phone number.
you have to have a cold supper because the kettle is cooking
for a bran mash and the pan on the other ring is full of linseed.
you insist to your SO during a game of Scrabble that "oxer" is, too, a
word, even if it ISN'T in the dictionary, and spend a good half-hour
poring over horse books to find it in writing. (Not sure he was
completely convinced, even after that.)
When you ask on election day how the mayor's race is going and he gives
you a blank look then says "oh, I thought you meant a mare's race."
You are walking up the stairs to your office and you see a
patch of mud on the stairs.
On closer observation, it appears to have bits of hay and manure in it.
You stop, look around to make sure nobody is around, and you pick it up
and drop it to the very bottom of the stairwell where nobody ever goes...
'cause you just know it came from YOUR boots.
*as you ride in your car, you evaluate fences and other
obstacles for their jumpability. How's the footing on the
approach and landing? What line would I take? How difficult
does it look? etc., etc.
*you estimate human conception dates based on an 11-month
you drive over potholes and practice sitting the trot
while your car shakes over the road
Richard Pelot Amanda
*The sound of a hoof step or a whinny on the TV brings you
dashing into the room. There you must stay until they show that horse
again, and when they do you quickly analyse its breed, conformation,
eye appeal, gender, attitude, level of training, and then decide if you
would own it or not.
*Every conversation you ever start, always seems to end up being about
victim: "What about this weather?"
you: "It really has been too cold out lately, although my horses like it"
victim: "You have horses?"
you: "Sure I do! I have these two really sweet ones, their names
And then you are in heaven because there is someone new to tell ALL
about your horses :)
You find yourself clucking to
your car when it doesn't want to start in the morning.
You cannot get up for work but wake up an hour too early to make it to
the 7 am Hunter Pace
"William P. Milam"
You know your wife is a horse person when...
*New horses appear in your pasture unannounced!
*You have to duck around the saddle racks in the garage when you get out of
*You buy a pick up truck because you like them, and she puts a trailer hitch
on it! (We don't even have a trailer anymore!)
*Repairing the loft door is a higher priority than replacing the front porch!
*You actually begin to talk 'baby' talk to that new colt, which you don't own
YET, in your barn.
*And the number one way to tell your wife is a horse person is...(drumroll)...
You find yourself reading rec.equestrian at work and printing copies to
take home to the wife!
You spend $515 plane fare, $314 rent-a-car, and stay at your former
SO's in order to ride your horse for a week.
when you look at your clothes during an important presentation and realize
the green tinge is left over from early morning blanketing duty...are those
sniffs in your direction? never brush against the back half of those blankets!
Clare E. Aukofer
You tell your small animal vet that your cat's flea bite dermatitis looks like
You know you're *daughter* is a horse person when she asks if she
can wash her saddle pad with her clothes, because she doesn't have
a full load and doesn't want her brother's clothes contaminating
Anne Howard/Cheryl Tibbetts
* you tell your patients to lift their withers.
* you classify human students by breed type! :-)
* you scan crowds of people at the mall and rate them as good, average, or
bad movers...consider corrective shoeing for the obviously lame ones...
* a night chatting with your horse and doing a mini-beauty treatment (mane
pull, deep curry, hooficure) is the best fix for "da blues."
* you practice transitions in the car during your commute, complete with seat
aids and the occasional cluck to the car.
Marsha J. Valance
*You keep a spare curb chain in your purse for emergencies
*The family photos are in the bedroom; the horse photos in the den
*The board check is paid before any other bill
*Your instructor and vet are the only non-family on your speed-dial
*You always have new foal pictures in your wallet
*The photo Christmas cards feature the horses
*You have memorized the addresses of your breed association and AHSA
Robert Webb Jill
your husband has absorbed so much horse terminology he refers to one
of 'his' basketball team's players as 'coming up lame'.
The only remotely x-rated pic in your office is that of a gelding with
his male member partly extended. ;-) Does wonders for the 'macho
types' who think they're the greatest!
Roberta L. Taylor
You know you're a horse person when you love them enough to let them go.
You tell a person "The mud was so deep it sucked the Tingley right off!"
and wonder why they give you a strange look...
David Heinkel Catherine Wallace
*Your husband complains that he is not a horse when you back hand him
when he bumps into you when walking in a store. I don't like pushy
horses in the heard and have picked that one up. Bad habit.
*on a icy winter road you tell the truck Whoa! as it goes to slid when you put
on the brakes. Its worst yet when I yell Whoa at the driver's when I
work Auto races and they go off course.
You're at the post office looking at the Santa and his Reindeer cutouts on the
wall, and all you really think about is how all the reindeer are hanging their
knees and they better get better form if they're going to continue this jumping
Kim Welch Heidi Scholes
*You find it much easier to buy presents for you horsy friends than your
*You hate shopping, but will drive 60 miles to check out a new tack shop.
*Every item on your own list to Santa can be picked up at the tack shop or
the grain store!
You are waiting in a parking lot and you see a vacant Food Lion grocery
store. By the time your husband has got back to the car, you've figured a way
to make an *awesome* indoor arena out of it.
"Dawn L. Martinez-Byrne"
You tell your husband he's going shopping because he needs to get shod.
"Deborah A. Jones"
You are browsing in a book store. You see a book call Quantum Leap. It
takes a second for you to realize it's probably not about Grand Prix jumping
especially given that you are looking in the Sci-Fi/Fantasy section.
You're walking down the main street of your city and you step in a dried up
pile of horse biscuits and you think nothing of it for about twenty steps,
then it dawns on you and you wonder what a horse was doing downtown.
You take a corner just a tad too fast in
your little sports car and you concentrate on not collapsing the inside hip...
People AND Horses send you messages asking for carrots, apples and equal
rights for equines!!!
Jason Todd Howland
you have to hit the brakes on your truck *hard*, and you yell WHOA!
Mark Barry aka Tiffany
You move your horse to a beautiful new stable on a bright, clear October
afternoon and when you turn him out in that big, grassy field, he takes a
look around him and takes off a-runnin' and a-buckin' and a-fartin' like
he had never been out of a stall before. He's jest a big ol' bay horse
until he gets that TB blood fired up and then he looks like the cover of
King of the Wind (the book you checked out so much in elementary school
the librarian cut you off)--nostrils flared, coat gleaming in the crisp
air, and he's the most beautiful thing you've ever seen. When he's happy,
he runs with his tail straight up in the air like an Arabian and your
chest aches with happiness: this is the way it should be. He finds
another TB and it's a match race!!!! I can get to the end of the field
When you get home, your SO asks you how the moving went. "Fine," you
say, trying to think of the word that describes such a perfect moment. You
give up. "Fine." That word doesn't exist in any language.
You use your mouse pad to pad the
inside of the metal 'sling' of your horse's special 'fetlock support shoe'
to help try to heal the cast/bandage sores he's developed on his fetlock
during the healing of his tendon injury. (If this works - we just tried
it last night - I can hardly wait to tell this one to the vets at
Cornell!) The mouse pad has a perfect 'spongy' consistency far better than
that of cotton/sheet bandages!
*you answer and don't think twice about it when someone calls you your
*you see a cute guy walking down the street and you say he has a nice "hind
*you'll drive an hour in a snowstorm to ride your horse, but God forbid you
have to drive 1/2 hour to a friend's house for dinner.
*your friends no longer ask to get together with you on a weekend afternoon
because they know you'll say -- "I can't, I have to ride."
You go around a turn a tad too fast and you say "eeeeeeeeezzzzz girl".
Your husband goes to the doctor with an attack of bursitis and you find
yourself telling your friends:
The vet says he'll be off for a week....
*you cluck to your car to get it to accelerate.
*you forego paying your phone bill (too expensive) but buy a new pair of
A Jones Laura
you get into "Jumping position" over speed bumps!!!
You know you're a horse person when your sole purpose in buying a five
pound coffee can is to use as a grain can.
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