Micro$haft Horses

Ever wonder what it would be like if Gates & Co. built horses? In a cross-tie training discussion on Equine-L, Pat Harris made a flip comment that horses "don't come with Microsoft Crosstie v.4.1 (or anything other skill we take for granted) already installed on their hard drives." That generated this response from Sue Leopold.

Gee Pat, I'm not sure I'd want my horse to come "preinstalled" with Micro$oft Training $oftware. I mean just imagine what that would be like:

  1. Frequently and for no apparent reason, your horse turns blue and stops dead until you shut it off and turn it back on again.
  2. Every couple of months you would have to go to the web server for the latest "service release" and "patch" your horse in a vain attempt to keep it from turning blue or reacting in unexpected ways to your aids.
  3. Instead of a trainer or coach, your horse would come complete with a "Training Assistant" (with AD/HD) who offers advice totally unrelated to the problem your experiencing.
  4. Your horse would no longer be named "Chrissy" or "Berto" or even "Bold 'n Brassy" but would be labeled "My Horsie"
  5. Every tackroom would have a photo of Bill Gates rather than Alois Podjasky, George Morris, Rocky Dare or John Lyons et al In some cases the photo would be superimposed on a dartboard.
  6. Marv Walker would offer clinics in "Geek Speak - Learning to Communicate With Your Horse Effectively"
  7. The AHSA and USDF would have to rename the test from Training, First, Second Etc to Version 1, 1.1, 1.1.1, 1.1.1a ... The order would no longer follow a progression but instead would veer around between versions and calendar years.
  8. When buying new tack you will have to be sure that it not only fits your horse but is compatible with its installed version of the OS...
  9. Instead of calling the vet when you have a problem, you run the "ScanHorse" application
  10. Some trainers, in a fit of pique, will buck the system and turn to alternative platforms, thus leading to a small group of horses that not only smile but come in various fruity colors.

Sue and Chrissy, who come to think of itis currently a shade of orange rather reminiscent of the "tangerine" iMac


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