Horses vs Spouses

A while ago, a comparison of the advantages and disadvantages of horses versus husbands appeared on Equine-L. I'm uncertain of the original author, but I think it might have been Jane Kibble. Sometime later, a similar item appeared on the COTH bulletin board. I then decided equal time was called for, and I wrote a similar list of comparisons of horses versus wives (which required a little bit of imagination and reliance on the word of others, as I have never been married). For the sake of posterity, the original "husbands" list and my "wives" list are presented here.


  1. Husbands are less expensive to shoe.
  2. Feeding a husband doesn't require anything that even mildly compares with the hassle of putting up hay.
  3. A lame husband can still work.
  4. A husband with a belly-ache doesn't have to be walked. Note .. this item prompted a response from someone else:
    But if you've ever endured a husband who is rolling on the floor, screaming, and writhing in pain with a kidney stone at three in the morning, you know you can't put him down (and get away with it).
  5. Husbands don't try to scratch their heads on your back.
  6. They're better able to understand puns.
  7. If they're playing hard to catch you *may* be able to run them down on foot.
  8. They know their name.
  9. They pay their own bills.
  10. They apologize when they step on your toes.
  11. No saddle fitting problems.
  12. They seldom refuse to get in the vehicle.
  13. They don't panic, yelling and running all through the house when you leave them alone. (unless you left the kids too)
  14. For a nominal fee you can hire someone else to clip them.
  15. They don't like the lady next door just as well as you just because she fed him 3 days straight.


  1. If they don't work out you can sell them.
  2. They don't come with in-laws.
  3. You don't have to worry about your children looking like them.
  4. You never have to iron their saddle pads.
  5. If you get too fat for one you can shop for a bigger one.
  6. They smell good when they sweat.
  7. You can repair their "clothes" with duct tape.
  8. It's possible to keep them from "jumping the fence".
  9. You can force them to stay in good physical condition...with a whip if necessary.
  10. They don't want their turn at the computer.
  11. They turn white with age, but not bald.
  12. They've never *heard* of PMS.
  13. They learn to accept restraint.
  14. They love to go trail riding.
  15. They don't care what you look like, as long as you have a carrot.

Good things about wives.

  1. Your wife can feed herself if you have to leave town.
  2. You can (usually) kiss your wife's neck without worrying about getting your feet stepped on.
  3. You can shop for a new car without worrying about whether it's powerful enough to haul your wife.
  4. If you call in sick at work to stay home and play with your wife, there's very little risk of serious injury that will be tough to explain to the boss the next day.
  5. Your wife won't go roll in the mud right before an occasion when she needs to look her best.
  6. Your wife can groom herself much better than you can.
  7. Bathing your wife can be much more entertaining than bathing your horse, and doesn't require tying her up (unless you're into that).
  8. If your wife loses a shoe, you can be pretty sure she has plenty of replacements in the closet.
  9. Your wife's mane doesn't need to be pulled.
  10. If your wife runs away from you, you don't care whether she gets hurt.


  1. Horses are less expensive to shoe. They'll happily wear the same set for weeks.
  2. Horses are less expensive to clip, and one clip job may last all winter.
  3. Your horse won't constantly ask you if his blanket makes his butt look big.
  4. Your horse won't worry about whether his shoes match his saddle.
  5. Your horse won't complain if you occasionally ride a different one.
  6. You have more options for working out your horse's behavioral problems.
  7. Your horse won't sulk if you forget his birthday.
  8. Your horse's farts make yours seem like no big deal.
  9. Your horse won't tell all his friends about every little mistake you make.
  10. Your horse won't constantly nag you to redecorate the barn.
  11. If your horse runs away from you, you can usually get him back.

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