Horses, Riders, and Light Bulbs

How many riders does it take to change a light bulb?

WESTERN PLEASURE RIDERS:

Oh, my God, someone fix that bulb, I have to have light so that my silver and spangles all glow to their best and so that all the highlighter on Old Peanut Head makes his nose look so smooth and sparkly, and oh, my diamond studs have to flash in the light, you know, so oh, someone has to fix it -- oh, maybe you without all the silver on your saddle, obviously you can't ride, you can do it.

ENDURANCE RIDER:

Light bulb? Do you mind, I'm trying to get my horse's pulse/respiration/hydration levels down to respectable levels. Once that is done, I have another 50 miles to go before I can even think about changing a light bulb.

DRESSAGE QUEEN:

Change a light bulb? Are you joking? I couldn't possibly be expected to subject myself to such a menial task. Change it yourself. Oh, and wash your hands when you are finished. The very thought!

CLASSICAL DRESSAGE QUEEN:

These things cannot be rushed, but must be approached slowly, with great patience, and adherence to the principles laid down by the classical masters, otherwise the light bulb will not attain its true potential, but will forever just be a shadow of its true self. Never, ever, use any type of gadget when changing the light bulb. That is an offense to the principles of classical light bulb changing.

EVENTER:

Wuss! As soon as my arm is out of this sling broken after falling off at that large stone wall while riding Hell Bent for Leather cross-country, I'll change it. Until then, deal with the dark. It'll put hair on your chest. Only dressage riders require lights, anyway.

SHOW JUMPER:

Why on Earth would I need to change a light bulb when the whole world knows that the sun shines out of my ass. Why, when I release over a jump, the spectators are practically blinded.

NATURAL HORSEMAN:

You must instill respect in the light bulb, so that it sees you as the Alpha light bulb, using "light bulb dynamics" (video set available at $179.00 on my Website). Once you have done this, you will find that there is really no need to change the light bulb at all, but that the light bulb will, with very little coaxing from you (using patented "light bulb coaxer" designed by me - $99.00 each, for extra $49.99 you get a introductory video thrown in) will behave as all good light bulbs should.

HUNTER RIDER:

Well, I'm waiting for my trainer to tell me exactly how but he's changing light bulbs somewhere else right now.

SIDESADDLE RIDER:

Well, one things for certain.... if they can do it, I can do it, and with both legs on the same side of the step ladder..... stand back and watch me! But first I have to find my top hat and veil, cut the crusts off the sandwich and pack it in a linen napkin, fold my rain gloves with the thumbs together and place them under the billets, have my saddle restuffed and make an apron...............

FOXHUNTER:

If you laid out all your kit the night before the hunt, you wouldn't need to worry about the light bulb--you'd be on your way.. Forget the lightbulb- ain't got no time to worry 'bout no lightbulb- HOUNDS ARE RUNNING! Load in the dark ( in August), unload in the dark (in December) - what's the big deal? (But please dont forget that flask and Snicker's bar!)

How many horses does it take to change a light bulb?

Warmblood:

Light bulb? What light bulb?

Any foal:

The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?

Thoroughbred:

Just one. And he'll rewire the barn while he's at it.

Shetland pony:

I can't reach the stupid lamp!

Saddlebred:

Sorry, just had my hooves and mane done.

Morgan:

Oh, oh, me, me! Pleeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I?

Quarter Horse:

Let him do it, you can pet me while he's busy.

Trakhener:

Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?

Akhal-Teke:

Zero! ATs aren't afraid of the dark!

Holsteiner:

How DARE that light bulb burn out!! How DARE you ask me to change it!! OH!! [Flouncing off]

Appaloosa:

No, don't change it. If it's dark, maybe no one will see me raiding the feed room.

Arab:

That's what we pay the help for. I'll just chew on his shirttail while he's at it.

Connemara:

We'll just be after havin' a nip of the Bushmill's, we will, and then we'll not be noticin' the light.

Andalusian:

Let the maid do it, I need to go roll in the mud.

Clydesdale:

Och, and ye'll just be usin' up the lectricity, ye' will, better tae use a wee bit of candle ... better yet tae not waste either and just gae tae sleep when the sun gaes doon ... electricity is verra dear.

NSH:

[fidgeting all the while] Lights? Lights? Where? Do you want me to pose? This is my good side ... no wait, let me get my mane straight... no wait, this angle is all wrong. No, wait, maybe this is my good side. Do you want dramatic ... or bold ... or maybe sensitive ...

Shire:

(Yawn) Who cares?

Haflinger:

Show me where it is and I'll do it, no problem! Can I clean a little too while I'm at it? You want me to fix lunch for you to while I'm at it?